Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
