:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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