in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
