you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
