so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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