i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
