the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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