and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
