i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
cat food counts as protein by the way
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
