I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so much tequila, so little girl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
