The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
