Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
