It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
