I cockslap morals
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
