I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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