god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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