A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
