cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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