you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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