You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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