so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
