I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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