those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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