he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
