That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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