I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
