im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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