Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize