He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
