after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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