then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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