Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
