You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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