you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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