OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you made out with another girl for some wings
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Please don't give away my fajitas
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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