the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dicks are not precious.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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