I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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