Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Randomize
