you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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