You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
