I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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