I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
