I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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