I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
