just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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