All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
