'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
