dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
