I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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