So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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