I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
