Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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