Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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