This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
