I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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