This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
