"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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