I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
