I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
